After All
by HurricaneAbby
Summary: Flashback to Amelia's teenage years. She's staying at Derek and Addison's house for a couple of days. Trouble ensues. I suck at summaries, please give it a shot.
1. Chapter 1

**After all**

A/N: Ok, this wasn't an easy one to write but I needed to do it. I hope you enjoy and click a little button to tell me what you think and if I should post the second chapter. Enjoy!

Derek Shepherd loved his little sister like crazy, but she had a way of making him want to pull out his own hair. He always took care of her and she'd always be a child to him. Though she was growing up fast...too fast for her own good perhaps. They'd been through a lot together, but he was strong.

And no matter how much she tried to look strong and uncaring she was broken and weak. Not that she would ever accept that or talk about her feelings...what could actually make her feel better.

Derek had just gotten married and was living with Addison. She had a soft spot for Amelia and she saw her for who she really was. The little girl who had lost her father and was crying in her brother's arms only a couple of years ago. The newlyweds had invited Amy to stay over at their house for the weekend and though she played it cool and pretended to be annoyed, she was really happy about it. She liked spending time with them. Not a lot of time 'cause they annoyed each other after a while.

Amelia and Addison were sitting in the living room talking about boys, contraception, family and other sisterly things as the Sun started to hide. Amelia was drinking a cold Coke and Addi a glass of red wine. "I don't know, Addie...I'm ready and I wanna do it already." The teenager said as she took a sip from the can. "Ok, as long as you're ready. Just...you know...be...careful."

Addison told her little sister while lifting her eyebrows. "I'm not twelve I know I have to use a condom." Amelia said and the her sister-in-law couldn't help but thinking that she wasn't that much older than twelve. As Addison prepared her mouth to answer, the front door opened and Derek walked in. The sisters looked at each other giving a silent vow of silence. He knew they were talking about so

mething that they didn't want him to know. He frowned but didn't say anything. He greeted his wife with a kiss and put his arm around his little sister. "Hey. How are two you doing?" Amelia answered smiling. "We're fine, Derek. We can survive without you for a couple of hours." "Ha-ha. Very funny, Amy." Addison couldn't help but laugh, like she always did when she saw how Amelia bothered her husba

nd. "We're fine, honey." Addison said trying not to laugh. The couple kissed and Amelia wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Yeah I really didn't wanna see that." She stood up and walked towards the stairs. "Where are you going, Hurricane Amelia?" Derek said as he parted from Addison's lips. "To my room...well, the guest room. Leave you two to make out alone...yuck. And don't call me that."

Amelia said already walking up the stairs without looking back. Addison and Derek kept on talking and making out in a very newlyweds kind of way while Amelia was alone in the guest room. She closed the door and started looking through her bag pack. She took out the clothes she had taken and there it was. A little bag with perfectly round little pills inside. She smiled as she put two in her hand.

"Shit." She said nearly whispering. She put them in her pocket and walked down the stairs and back into the living room. Without looking at her brother and sister-in-law she grabbed the can of Coke she had left on the table. "Just wanna grab somethin' to drink. I'm leavin'." and went to her room again barely hearing Derek telling her they were going to call her when the dinner was ready.

She was so eager to take them she didn't care where she was or who she was with. Her body and her mind were already asking for it. She put the pills in her mouth and took a sip from the can allowing them to go through her throat. She lay in her bed and felt as her body started to feel different, her sight changed and she couldn't keep a train of thought. She liked this. No, she loved this. This felt so much better than all the crap she felt on a daily basis. No emptiness, no sadness, no being strong for her mother, no memories, just the high. When she felt she could stand up she went to the window and took a look at the stars. So beautiful, so bright, so lonely. Then she felt a knock on the door and it opened. "Amelia..." Addison said. "It's polite to wait for a reply after you knock."

She said angrily. "I...I'm sorry...I didn't... Are you ok, Amy?" Addison saw she didn't look...was she drugged? She stepped closer to her sister and looked at Amelia's pupils. "Dilated...Amelia, are you high?!" The older woman said raising her voice making Derek hear her and walk over to the two women. Amelia pushed her away and sat on the bed hugging her legs. "Go away, Addison."  
"Amelia, I am not..!" Addison started to walk towards her but stopped when she noticed Derek was behind her. She saw Amelia's expression and turned to her husband where she saw anger like she hadn't seen before, but under that, she saw fear. "Wh-What the hell is going on?" He said in a harsh tone of voice, without yelling but wanting to.

Amelia pushed her body further up against the wall, feeling cornered. "Nothing. Now just leave me the hell alone." "Amelia..." Addison said before turning to face her husband. "I..." She didn't know what to do or say. The only thing she knew is that they needed to do something. Amelia had been showing signs for a while but she had never taken drugs while staying with them. "She's high."

Addison said turning her eyes to her feet. Derek was shocked but only for a second. Then he simply looked at his little sister with cold eyes and went towards the door. Tears had started to burn their way into Amelia's eyes when he looked back at her. "I can't believe you, Amelia. You're unbelievable. This... I'm calling mom. You need help, Amelia. And I'm sick and tired of you acting like this!" He said raising his voice. He left the room and went towards the stairs. Amelia's cheeks were already wet. When had she started crying? She couldn't talk or go after her brother. Maybe she didn't want to either. Addison looked at her with pity in her eyes. "I..." Amelia interrupted her when she was trying to find the words and the courage to speak.

"Don't! Don't say anything! Just leave!" The girl said helplessly fighting the tears. Addison turned on her heels and went after her husband. She saw him going down the stairs and walked faster to catch up to him. "Wait! Derek!" He finally looked at her when they reached the bottom of the stairs but didn't say a thing. "Derek, I don't know...

I don't know if this is the right thing...if we should call your mother." He was angry and his tone was harsh. "Do you think I like this? Do you think I want to call my mom? That I want to tell her that after everything she's been through, everything she's done for us...that Amy's...She's... A goddamn drug addict?!"

He was yelling now and Addie couldn't hold back the tears. She knew this wasn't easy for him so she just nodded, letting him know that she supported his decision to call Carolyn. Amelia hadn't been able to move since they had left her room. She was hugging her knees up to her chest and crying.

This couldn't be happening. But she was goddamn 'Hurricane Amelia' so of course it was happening to her. She always messed up and people always ended up hating her or leaving her. But she just didn't know how to be any other way. So she just stayed there. Waiting for the inevitable. Waiting for her brother to barge in and scream at her,

for her mother to cry, for Addison to look at her with pity, for her sisters to be ashamed of her.

After all, that was always what happened.

A/N2: Let me know what you think! ;)


	2. Chapter 2

**After All Ch 2**

**A/N: **Sorry for the delay. I'm moving to another city so my life has been pretty hectic. Anyways... Here you have chapter 2! Hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I still haven't gotten a call from Shonda so it's still not mine.

She just stayed there. Like a scared little girl. After all, that's what she was, even if she tried to be something else, someone else. After a while, she had no idea how long it had been, the door flew open again and Derek barged in with a guilty looking Addison behind him. "I talked to mom. She's on her way here. And you're going to rehab." She tried to fight him. She tried to tell him not to do this, but all she could choke out was "Pl-please…" as he turned on his heels and went out of the room again. But he didn't seem to hear her. He never seemed to. Had she always been this invisible? She got lost in her thoughts trying to remember when it had all started. Not when she was little, everyone was always trying to know how she was or where she was. Maybe it was when she decided that she didn't belong with the rest of the family. That was probably it. Great, something else that was her fault.

She couldn't focus. All she could do was feel her heartbeat racing, feel the sweat covering her face, her body shaking. She couldn't tell if those things were because of the drugs or because she was terrified. It didn't really matter anyways. Her feet were tangled in the bed covers. Pink with flowers. That's what everyone wanted her to be, life to be… pink with flowers. But it wasn't. Not to her at least.

In the meantime Addison had been pacing the room, not knowing what to do or what to say. After a while she had sat on the bed next to her and had put an encouraging hand on her knee. "Amelia, you're going to be ok." she heard the older woman say. But she didn't care anymore. "Amelia…I-I'm here, ok? This is for your own good." Addison said trying to hide her tears. Seeing that she was not answering Addison left her to go see her husband, who pacing downstairs, also having a hard time.

"I'm sorry, Derek." She said as she put her hand in his stubby cheek. "I know. It doesn't make it any better. My little sister is still high in our guest room. My little sister! She needs to understand that she can't do whatever the hell she wants! She needs to-" He choked on the tears he was fighting back. "I'm sorry." He said almost whispering. "I'm sorry, Addie, I'm just…" She kissed his cheek. "It's ok. It's ok, Derek. She'll be ok." The newlyweds hugged trying to convince themselves their little Amy was going to be fine. She had to be.

Upstairs the door closed after Addison and Amelia found herself kneeling in front of her bag pack again. She had pills in her hand again. Eight this time. 'I just want to forget, to not feel' she thought to herself as she swallowed them without effort.

**A/N:** Please tell me what you thought! ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**After All Ch 3**

**A/N**: Sorry for the delay, people, but I wanted to do my best! Hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** Yup, still don't own anything...!

She couldn't do it. She couldn't face her charges. Seeing her mom cry because of her again. Her sisters' disapproving glances, of pity and shame. And Derek's hate. That's what probably hurt her the most. He had always been her favourite, everyone knew. When she was little she would follow him around and try to make him laugh. She used to say she wanted to be just like him. And maybe she still did, but she thought she never would, so she just stopped trying. She was broken and she couldn't let the world see how dark she actually was. She had to stop hurting the people she loved and she had to stop suffering. And this was the only way she knew how. Disappearing. That had always been something that intrigued and interested her.

She remembered one rainy afternoon, she must have been about five. Her mom and siblings were in the living room drinking hot chocolate and talking. Everyone thought she was sleeping on the couch but she wasn't. She stood up unnoticed and went outside to the old tree house. She stayed there for a while wondering if anyone had noticed she was gone and watching the little raindrops hit the ground. She had always been fine on her own. About an hour or so later Derek showed up and chided her for going outside in the pouring rain. She just laughed and hugged him. "I knew you would be the one who came looking for me."

She remembered a night, not long ago, when she had gone out of the house in the middle of the night to go dancing with some people she knew. She climbed out her bedroom window and the car was waiting outside. They went somewhere; it didn't really matter where to her as long as people didn't know her there. A place where she could forget who she was and pretend to be someone better. She didn't know how long it had been before Mark ran into the club and spotted her in the crowd. She could see the worry in his eyes, so she didn't run. She just walked up to him and he simply held her and whispered how worried he was into her hair. She let him take her back home. They both kept a silent promise made to each other some time ago and let it go. He never told the rest of the family where he had found her. And it didn't really matter as long as she was safe.

Her body was moving on its own volition. She felt the little pills scraping her throat as they made their way into her body. 'Next time I really should bring a bottle of water with me… or maybe tequila.' She thought to herself. A small smile crept to her lips when she realized the whole idea was that there wouldn't be a next time. She thought about the strange things people think about, how amazingly the brain works. Under other circumstances she would mention it to her big brother… Strange things people think about.

She put her back against the bed and sat on the floor. It must have already started to kick in because she had stopped hearing the voices coming from downstairs. Good, she didn't want to hear it. She thought about Addison and how she was one of the nicest people she had ever met. She hoped she knew. She thought about her mom and how she would blame herself. It wasn't her fault. She thought about Derek and how mad he would be at her. She prayed he would understand someday. The idea of writing a letter to say goodbye crossed her mind but she quickly dismissed it. She wanted to disappear and leaving a letter behind seemed too tragic. She didn't want to leave anything to remind them about her. They'd forget soon enough and move on.

She looked at her hands. They had started to feel weird. She smiled again remembering her father's hands and how safe they made her feel. Big strong 'I'll keep you safe' hands. 'Maybe I'll see him. Maybe he's waiting for me. Maybe he'll hold me and I won't feel bad anymore.' Yes, strange things.

**A/N2**: Ok, so? What did you think? :) Please let me know!


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